should or shouldn't?

2:46am
I'm still Wide awake.
Worrying about my appeal result.
In fact, I shouldn't worry much actually.
No matter I appeal successfully or fail, I still can't get my Ptptn for this long semester.
I'm damned. I'm screwed. I ruined the whole plan.

I'm having nightmare everyday since the final examination period last semester until now.
Worry much and depress easily.
I guess I'm close with major depression.

What put me in dilemma is, I don't know whether should I continue to Pursuit My degree or shouldn't to do so.
Yes, I don't mind to retake the subject, but I really never thought that I would lose my Ptptn.
My Cgpa for the entire degree dropped from 2.7 to 1.9
What the fuck was wrong with me last semester?
I can't afford to study here without Ptptn.
Don't ask me to quit job. my worst result has nothing related to my part time job!

I just don't like to study. I got no motivation to study since Last Semester and what Happen Now Is my motivation Is Totally gone After The Result Released.
I wish to quit studies. But I just can't let go of this now. Mom taught me to be a responsible person. But I can't do this anymore. Everything is just so tiring. I'm stress and depress on everything.
And what you guys do is just giving extra pressure on me and look down on me. I'm the black sheep. I know! I Just can't do this anymore...  can I just don't listen to you guys once? I'm Begging you Guys To give Me A chance to live with what I want...

I really afraid that I would choose to end my life just to avoid these shit.
The boom is nearly explode.

My country

Thanks to Facebook, every youngster get the chance to know more about politic.

Thanks to Facebook, we, Malaysia citizens get to know the dark side of the election.

Thanks to Facebook, we get to know the hidden histories which already been covered by the "current" government.

Thanks to Facebook, we get to see all the dirty tricks which plays by our "lovely" BN, on how they used the foreigner to vote for them, bribe them with money, just to win the election this time.

Thanks to Facebook, people reveals everything which we can't see from the media like newspaper, radio, and television. Our "lovely" government even playing "censor game" like China, censored everything which will drag them into illegal issues and all the bad things they did.

All the advertisements and news that published in the media cannot be trusted anymore.

Even the reporter of newspaper, DJ from few fm stations, voice actor/actress for advertisement, and many more artists can't hold the corruption of the current government anymore. They chose to stand and voice out for the citizen.Telling their fans, is time to UBAH, to get a better future of Malaysia.

Frankly speaking, I'm not really into politic issues few months back.

Yes, there are indeed a lot of posts about the 505 Malaysia election news posted on Facebook.

But that's too much, and I was busy fighting with my final previously so I didn't give a fck on what is actually going on and what is actually happen in my country, my home. 

And now, I regretted why the hell I didn't register earlier. I can't vote!!

I'm reading the news which posted on Facebook everyday, what BN DAP PKR PAS are actually doing before election.

As what I absorbed, all I can see is how dirty BN is, and how unite is our Malaysian in fighting back the fcking BN.

There's too much things I wanted to express for the election this time, but once I think about BN, I kinda pissed and fed up. Yes, I can't vote, but this is my country, everyone wish to live in a peace and a country which actually "rakyat didahulukan".

They pay for old citizen of Malaysian and also non-Malaysian to vote for them.

They even giving out free IC and extra incentives to foreigner, just to vote for them. By this point, did they even think about, there's still many elder citizen already waited for the IC to represent themselves as a Malaysian for more than 50 years??? How many years they've been wasted, but those Bangla can get the IC so easily and just within one day???? and some are first time land in Malaysia???

IT'S UNFAIR!! BN YOU SUCKS!! SO DIRTY!!

I'm blaming BN for acting so dirty, not blaming those Bangla. They just being used by BN, I still can differentiate what is right and what is wrong. NO bias.

Summore, they twisted and distorted all the truths and facts and spreading it everywhere and even published those nonsense in newspaper. DAFUQ??!!

Our country is sick... We need Change.

We need free education!!

We need highway with no toll!!

We don't need inflation!!

All we need is UBAH!!!

Really fcking wish the election this time can change the future of Malaysian... 

Even though it's just 5 years... 

Let's just wait for the result tonight...

Hope it won't disappoint me... I will emo or even cry if BN won...

*PRAYING HARD*

SO NO TO CIRRUPTION!!

SAY NO TO BN!!

SAY NO TO NAJIB!!

SAY YES TO DAP!!

SAY YES TO UBAH!!!

BRING US BRIGHTER AND BETTER FUTURE!!!

Messed

I shouldn't have anything to worry about.
I messed things, ruined things...
I'm so confuse. I don't even know what I'm typing at this moment.
My fingers are just like typing the words out without getting my permission.

Studies
My study life, it's all a mess.
I'm highly motivated not to attend the class.
I'm lazy. I missed and skipped a lot of classes.
Even my first final paper is held on this Saturday, but I still haven't start my revision yet.
Notes are all in front of me. But I just can't face them.
Every time I look at the notes, I see stress.
My overall coursework mark is low for almost all the subject in this semester.
 I see no hope for the final examination.
I can't deal with it if I fail my paper. I don't want to retake it for the coming semester.

###################################################################

But whatever it is, I just can't give it up.
Already spent one year time here, I don't want to waste it just like that.
Calm myself, face the fact, back to reality.
Being upset can't solve the problem.
I still have to sit for the exam.
Pass or fail, it's my own responsibility.
I got to be responsible for what I'm dealing with currently.

So....
Carolyn, just be tough k.. =)

Her Boyfriend and Her.

Owh~

Accidentally saw my friend's facebook profile and realized that she FINALLY changed her relationship status~
We knew the existing of her boyfie since last year I think..
But this is the first time I get to see how her boyfie actually look like.
Her boyfie is not a Malaysian, and is so much mature than other guys (maybe because of his age).
And the point is, I like the way how she express her love towards her boyfriend, and how her boyfriend do the same towards her!

The first one:

Found his dairy and peeked inside while he's asleep. Page #Random
"It's not wrong to lavish the person you love with what they want, provided you find it reasonable.
I can't afford to flourish with gifts like others. I offer 100% of my love is that enough ? 
We re all fools when it comes to love."

The second one:

"Let's break!" 1 am. Still awake. Picking petals off a special tulip. I love him, I love him not. I've done things beyond heart breaking yet still loves me dearly. I told him and he acknowledge. "Let's break" yet he pretends not to hear and love me dearly. I love him. I love him not. 

It's so sweet isn't it??!!

They are in a Long Distance Relationship (I guess so).
My friend, she is a Stewardess,
and him, if I'm not mistaken, he always travel here and there,
always be at different country.
It's how amazing a relationship can be maintain for so long even they are always apart from each other.

Do you have a dream?

Have you ever dream of your future?
People often talks about how would they do in the future.
They have the prediction by themselves for their future.

Some people do really put in 200% of their effort in order to make their dreams come true whereas some just like the majority: talk cock. This kind of people usually dream big but They never really take initiative to make things work.

Well, I'm currently at the stage of which majority of the people stay at. Have a dream, But didn't even showing any sign of putting effort into it to make it works.

I want to be a Baker. I want to have my own bakery house. Tells the interior designer about my idea on how to decorate the shop and hoping they will make exactly the same as what I wanted.

But, what now? I'm an ordinary student who currently pursuing bachelor degree in Business Administration at a local university -- UTAR, which located at a so called rural village with zero entertainment place, Kampar. The things I'm doing now is totally not related to what I wish to be. How can a business girl be a better Baker in the future?!

Sigh...

At this moment, I just can convince myself that I must learn about how things works in the business field at first,  then after that I only able to proceed to my dream, to be a Baker. There's no disadvantage in it right?! The only way to convince myself to put more interest To the course I'm pursuing now so that I manage to graduate from it, get the Piece of certificate, do not disappoint my family, then I am free to do whatever I want after that. That's my current hope.

Will things happen as smooth as how we predict?
No one knows......

The only thing now ...... Have faith!!